Insert Laugh Here

There are a lot of things I don't understand in life, why does the number PI have so many numbers, who is actually buying Lady GaGa cds and why are there laugh tracks on sitcoms?

Are the laugh tracks to tell us that a joke is funny, shouldn't it be obvious? Is it to give us someone to laugh with? Is it to tell us when we are supposed to laugh so we don't feel left out? Do production companies really think that they need to actually give us cues when to enjoy something? Well at least somebody is making sure I can use slightly less brain cells when watching TV.

Maybe I should walk around with a laugh track and all my stupid random jokes could finally be perceived to be well, not funny, but at least amusing. Perhaps this could be incorporated into my cult.

Techno Blues

The modern life with all of its technological improvements is supposed to make our lives simpler, more integrated and just plain awesome! I love gadgets and computers and all that jazz but they're starting not to be fun anymore. Now they are necessities that I am required to have just to go on with my life. This just isn't fair, they were fun not because I needed them but because I didn't need them. I miss the days when you could show off to you friends hey look at this gizmo it can e-mail in 400 different languages and I could shoot a laser through people's windows!

Now, you have to have those gizmos and the most annoying thing is that it has to be strapped to your person twenty four hours a day. Take the cell phone, you constantly have to carry the thing every where you go and if you don't people are like hey man I tried to call you yesterday why didn't you answer? I miss the days when your phone stayed at home and people left messages. I want to free myself of the modern bondage we have concerning cell phones. I don't want to live like this anymore, hang on, I've got to take this call.

Longing For Better Times

As I surfed through the various news channels offered to me I happened upon a debate about the the new nuclear proliferation treaty that has been recently signed. Ok, I thought let's hear some views upon the matter. A few minutes in the woman doing most of the talking said "back in the good old days of the cold war." Yes, you read correctly the 'good old days of the cold war'. Ah yes, those good old days when the only thing keeping two super powers from annihilating the entire world several times over was the concept of mutually assured destruction. The good old days when a single international incident or a rogue general with too much vodka in his blood could bring around Armageddon. Those good old days when thousands died in wars that were fought in countries you've never heard of. Those good old days when entire countries were brought under severe government oppression and the poor were left to starve. Oh yes now I remember. I can see now why she looks back with such nostalgia.

We need some nerd bait!

So, I've just spent the day trying to get rid of the virus that was so kind enough to grace my computer with its presence. Luckily I managed to find it before it started getting too freaky with my computer. I've managed to remove most of it but there are still traces however I will not give up nor will I tire of my quest to banish this vile beast from my digital realm! Or I pound my computer against a brick wall until there are only tiny pieces left.

Why do people feel it is necessary to create such programs? Amusement? Well they don't get to see the frustration it causes so how can they be amused. Steal information? If this is the case then why do they create this software so that it bends your computer over and has it's sordid way with it? Surely you want to keep it fairly low profile, no? The whole thing just doesn't make sense. Also, why isn't Microsoft doing a better job in helping us lowly computer amateurs? Come on Bill surely you can steal some more ideas from Apple!

I think these virus making computer geeks need to be rounded up and taught a lesson. The punishment should fit the crime, so they should be sentenced to something that is equally as frustrating as having your computer f***ed in the ass! Something like watching the same Richard Simmons video non stop for a month or having Baywatch on repeat but no video just sound. I think that will teach these little bastards a lesson.

I think another reason that viruses are so frustrating is that yet again I find myself being outwitted in the technology world by a twelve year old. It's starting to piss me off.

Scrum-diddily-umptious!

Today, I happened across an article about two Russians who carved up a young girl and then served her to her friend with potatoes. Asked why they did this they responded saying that they were drunk and desperate to eat. My first question is, weren't the potatoes enough? They can be pretty good with some cheese and sour cream. No? Now I've been pretty loaded in my time but I have never looked at someone and thought, you know what buddy, with the right marinating at about 300 degrees you'd be pretty tasty right about now. I think some potatoes would set you off perfectly, mmmmmm.

It's a strange world out there and it seems that everyday it gets a little bit stranger. I've got to dash I've got a brunette in the oven! Toodles!

Them good ol' days

Do you remember the days when the worst thing on the radio was Britney? I do, now we have an assortment of artists jockeying for the title of the most mundane and mediocre talent.

All we had to cope with was Britney dancing around in a school girl uniform asking to be hit once again. It was a tolerable situation now we have a blonde mannequin telling us about her poker face, another singer that has a $ sign in her name?! and a rapper who is not sharing the same reality as the rest of us.

What are the fifteen year old boys of the world supposed to do now? Is this the kind of world we're letting them grow up in? We should be ashamed of ourselves! Let's fix this problem before it's too late!

TV Cult

Let me take a minute a minute to introduce myself, actually scratch that, I'm not that interesting. I'll let you get to me know through the course of the blog.

Well, with that out of the way, let's get to the first odd thought. I was watching a show about cults. Like most people of my generation, if it's on TV then it's going to influence me, a lot. So my mind turns to how are these cults formed? Why do people start them and most importantly who is believing this stuff? It's a bizarre world out there.

How can a person convince people to believe basically anything they want? I can barely get my girlfriend to believe that beer is actually good for me and the more she brings me the healthier I will be. Seems simple right? Apparently not, I think this calls for some good old fashioned brain washing. Perhaps I just keep saying mantras in her ear when she is asleep until she doesn't question it. How long will that take?

So with all these questions in the air about cults, I think the only way to figure this all out is to start my own cult. Now to start off with I need an idea or a hook that interests people, suggestions will be considered. Then I can start making things up to get them to do my bidding. Of course I will keep you updated with the progress, consider this a social experiment (that clears up the ethical gray area right?). I'm looking forward to having minions!

We will see how long this lasts, probably until something better comes on the TV.